I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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