Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
