i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
