I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize