Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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