guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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