He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
