You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
