Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
