im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize