If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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