It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
