she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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