the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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