Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
