Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
