her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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