I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize