he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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