Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize