JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
