Slut skills are useful in every country.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
