We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
