And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
