Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
