he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
