youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
