All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
