I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
