used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
