after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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