my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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