They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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