u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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