know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
