no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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