There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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