NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize