just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
