In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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