she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize