i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
