You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
