..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize