Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
