OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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