uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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