Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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