I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
