I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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