Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
