so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
