Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
