if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just blew my weed a kiss
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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