Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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