I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
