You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize