He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
