someone threw a dead crab at me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
