It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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