I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
