the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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