I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
