No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
