1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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