If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
