3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
