She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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