I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize