So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
