There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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