answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
