I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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