Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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