i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
