I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
