Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
