is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize