Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
