Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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