My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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