making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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