remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
