I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize