I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
