Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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