How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize